Writer's Report - gah, revision!

So I went through the draft of Dead Again (a short story about the misfortunes of being a ghost) and having felt that the previous narration needed some tweaking (including a second person narrative), I added some choppy phrasing, misplaced sentences, poor word choice, a few misspellings, and a lot more words than I had hoped!  My original goal was to try and chop some of it down so it would be better suited for short fiction submissions, but alas I have elongated it into a sloppy pile of words.

Just a tad shy of 6,000 words, even I (the writer) found it difficult to keep pace with the story.  But this is merely the second draft and was, by most accounts, an experiment in narration.  I wanted to give the story a conversational tone and created an introduction centered around a stream-of-conscious-second-person narrative, but I can't seem to wrap my head around the format.  While I like the idea, I feel that this style of narration really limits the scope of the story itself.  What I essentially ended up with was a 6,000 word short fictional-conversation.  The idea has come to me that it may be best if I highlight parts I enjoy and begin molding a fresh, new story around that . . . keeping it more simplistic, with a stream-of-conscious-first/third-person narrative.

Eghads!  

Nevertheless, I do like the introduction and wish to share it with you folks in what I hope to be an on curring ordeal here.  Unfortunately, it won't be the whole tale.  After all, I wish to seek publication for this piece . . .